Mornings Were Made for Leisure

I never was a morning person, and the older I get, the less I like mornings. It’s not that I actually hate mornings. I don’t wake up grumpy or out-of-sorts. I just crawl out of bed like a sloth, and it … Continue reading

I Digress

I come from a long line of distracted storytellers, the kind that start on one thread, and end up on a completely different sewing project…so to speak. Not that I know much about sewing. I took a sewing class once, … Continue reading

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Braving below zero temps, climbing mountains of plowed snow, bundling up in layers even while in the house…this is how I spent the past two weeks. The fact that I was inadequately prepared for the northern winter didn’t help my … Continue reading

Feeling Neglected?

It’s been a month since my last post, which is very neglectful of me. I humbly beg your pardon! My goal is to post once a week (give, or take…), but I have been very busy. Besides the obvious Christmas … Continue reading

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

I’ve always enjoyed decorating my house for Christmas. I like doing it, and I delight in gazing upon my efforts (especially when the outdoor lights get covered in snow!). It’s a modest but respectable effort, I don’t go overboard. My … Continue reading

More Adventures of Louie the Shark

It’s been quite some time since I shared an epic poem of Louie’s adventures. If you don’t know about my Louie, you really should read this introductory post first, chronicling his earlier deeds and joyful jousts. https://grandmascoffeesoup.wordpress.com/2017/07/22/you-didnt-know-it-but-im-a-poet/   Louie the … Continue reading

“Weakly” Grocery Shopping

Today’s my usual day to set up the menus for the coming week, and compose the corresponding list of food staples I’ll need to hunt down during Tuesday’s foraging expedition. When folks get to be my age, they usually simplify … Continue reading

Round-Up Ready

I know what comes to mind for most people these days, when they read or hear the words “Round-up ready,” but I’m referring to something else entirely here. When I was a kid, we didn’t know anything about harsh, cancer-causing pesticides, … Continue reading

Scaring the Saved-up Daylights Out of Storage!

So, here we are again, in the week after returning to standard time. We’re all tired, grouchy, and confused, and in the dark much earlier in the evening than we’d like to be. Even our pets are wandering around in an … Continue reading

Party Games for Old Folks

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The hubster and I have reached that age where we’re noticing a transition in the activities when gathering with friends. We used to chat and laugh, and play outdoor games or board games. Now, we often sit and listen sympathetically to the latest medical updates from our buddies. If we’re the older pair in the group, we usually keep our own grumbling sessions short, but in some of our crony communities, we’re the youngsters (comparatively speaking). We await our turns and jump right in there with all of the newest complaints. Some assemblies wind up in a vicious competition, everyone trying to one-up the last guy’s list of ailments. We’ve got some serious stuff goin’ on! I’m thinking about getting a group of doctors to join us for our next gathering, for an investigational “grand rounds” kind of thing.

If we all make it through another ten years, I can only imagine the flow of the conversation. Maybe we’ll still be gathering at our friend’s pool for a swim and cookout. The ladies will all be discussing which type of incontinence underwear is the most comfortable, while the guys discuss aches and pains and questionable “age spots” that their doctors want to biopsy. Instead of playing corn hole and enjoying a tomahawk competition, the men will sit and debate the best topical pain ointments and argue about the effectiveness of massage therapy. And just forget about all of those tasty (but unhealthy) foods we enjoyed long ago! The ladies will all make snacks and side-dishes that are low in sugar and sodium, while still acceptable for our limited diets. We’ll be sure to provide some options that are soft enough to be safe for aging teeth and expensive crowns. While eating, everyone will pull out their handy pill organizer, for their dinner time dosages.

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After we’ve had our fill of the limited gastronomical fare, we’ll consider taking a walk, but talk ourselves out of it with complaints of sore knees or ankles, or other assorted joints. Instead, we’ll gather around the table for games like, “Who has the most grandkid photos on their phone?” Or how about this one – “who’s got the longest list of prescription meds?” If we end up needing a tie-breaker for that game, we’ll give the gold medal to the player who spends the most “out-of-pocket” on said list. After that, we’ll hand out pillows, recline our outdoor loungers, and take a little nap. For the ladies, it will be our elderly take on those sleepless childhood slumber parties. Our backs will start hurting, and we’ll all have to get up in about half an hour to pee anyway!

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Just before it’s time to head home (which will be much earlier by that point in our lives, because we’ll always be tired from not being able to sleep well at night…for one reason or another), a couple of us will jump in the pool for about ten minutes, just to make our hosts feel better about digging all of the pool floats out of storage.

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Then we’ll pack our leftover food, our walkers, and our orthopedic donut cushions in the car and head home…, driving slowly…..in the fast lane. And when we get there, we’ll plop into our recliners and entertain ourselves on our iPads until the pets fall asleep on us, or we nod off ourselves (which usually occurs simultaneously). At which point we will make ourselves go to bed, where we will toss and turn until we remember to take our nightly dosage of melatonin and rub some capsaicin cream on our aching muscles. Who knew that getting old could be so entertaining?! I can hardly wait.