Party Games for Old Folks

The hubster and I have reached that age where we’re noticing a transition in the activities when gathering with friends. We used to chat and laugh, and play outdoor games or board games. Now, we often sit and listen sympathetically to the latest medical updates from our buddies. If we’re the older pair in the group, we usually keep our own grumbling sessions short, but in some of our crony communities, we’re the youngsters (comparatively speaking). We await our turns and jump right in there with all of the newest complaints. Some assemblies wind up in a vicious competition, everyone trying to one-up the last guy’s list of ailments. We’ve got some serious stuff goin’ on! I’m thinking about getting a group of doctors to join us for our next gathering, for an investigational “grand rounds” kind of thing.

If we all make it through another ten years, I can only imagine the flow of the conversation. Maybe we’ll still be gathering at our friend’s pool for a swim and cookout. The ladies will all be discussing which type of incontinence underwear is the most comfortable, while the guys discuss aches and pains and questionable “age spots” that their doctors want to biopsy. Instead of playing corn hole and enjoying a tomahawk competition, the men will sit and debate the best topical pain ointments and argue about the effectiveness of massage therapy. And just forget about all of those tasty (but unhealthy) foods we enjoyed long ago! The ladies will all make snacks and side-dishes that are low in sugar and sodium, while still acceptable for our limited diets. We’ll be sure to provide some options that are soft enough to be safe for aging teeth and expensive crowns. While eating, everyone will pull out their handy pill organizer, for their dinner time dosages.

After we’ve had our fill of the limited gastronomical fare, we’ll consider taking a walk, but talk ourselves out of it with complaints of sore knees or ankles, or other assorted joints. Instead, we’ll gather around the table for games like, “Who has the most grandkid photos on their phone?” Or how about this one – “who’s got the longest list of prescription meds?” If we end up needing a tie-breaker for that game, we’ll give the gold medal to the player who spends the most “out-of-pocket” on said list. After that, we’ll hand out pillows, recline our outdoor loungers, and take a little nap. For the ladies, it will be our elderly take on those sleepless childhood slumber parties. Our backs will start hurting, and we’ll all have to get up in about half an hour to pee anyway!

Just before it’s time to head home (which will be much earlier by that point in our lives, because we’ll always be tired from not being able to sleep well at night…for one reason or another), a couple of us will jump in the pool for about ten minutes, just to make our hosts feel better about digging all of the pool floats out of storage.

Then we’ll pack our leftover food, our walkers, and our orthopedic donut cushions in the car and head home…, driving slowly…..in the fast lane. And when we get there, we’ll plop into our recliners and entertain ourselves on our iPads until the pets fall asleep on us, or we nod off ourselves (which usually occurs simultaneously). At which point we will make ourselves go to bed, where we will toss and turn until we remember to take our nightly dosage of melatonin and rub some capsaicin cream on our aching muscles. Who knew that getting old could be so entertaining?! I can hardly wait.

Living Within Each Inch of Your Life

Old sayings can be interesting and fun, especially if you really stop to ponder the words, the inspiration behind them, and the hidden lesson. Everyone thinks they’ve got a handle on the meanings of those well-worn idioms and phrases, but …

In the Land of Grand (kids)

I had planned for the worst, hoping it would not come, but alas it came, quite unexpectedly. A few days after my arrival in the northern land of Grand, we were outside in the bright sunshine with a blue sky stretching as far as the eye could see. The girls were in their summer clothes, jumping on the trampoline. Three days later, on April 11th, we were gazing out the window upon a bright winter wonderland. It could have been worse. A little north of here they dealt with blizzard conditions and much heavier snow. We only got 5 or 6 inches, which is pretty much nothing in the Twin Cities. People around here went about their business as if spring had never teased us with its tenderness. They ignored the cold and the slushy roads, knowing that it’s the only way to get the best of old man winter. Very much like a spoiled child who must be taught to outgrow its childish ways, the last tantrums of winter must simply be overlooked, if end-of-season lessons are to be learned. Their knowing methods worked like a charm. Within a week, the sun was back….until the spring rains set in.

I am sufficiently pacified, though, in the knowledge that we were 30° warmer up here for a few days than my hometown in southern Ohio! After several gloomy, cooler days, we are back again to sunshine and 70’s today, but we face a bit of a cool-down again this weekend. I am fine with that. In Cincy, we usually go from cold and dreary to a settled-in sizzling summer in a matter of days. The unusual taste of appropriate seasonal overlap is pleasing to the palate.

As all these weather patterns swirl around me, I’m busying myself with helping around the house and playing with the grandkids. On Holy Saturday, while my daughter had an unusual afternoon rest in her room, and my s-i-l and older granddaughters had gone to an early Easter Vigil (the celebrant was a visiting Bishop from Chicago who had to get on a plane and get back home that evening, after a FOUR HOURS long Mass!), I spent quite a long time in the lovely outdoors with my youngest granddaughter. She’s almost eighteen months old now, and she delights in being outside, usually screams when it’s time to come in, so her appreciation of me has been significantly upgraded since Saturday. I can now pick her up and make her happy when Mama needs a little help. I can distract her and make her laugh. Sometimes she even stretches her pudgy little arms up to me and says, “Mee-mee!” Mimi’s heart is aglow with this gift of acceptance!

The older girls continue in their usual ways: sweet and fun one second, and completely stressed-out and screaming the next. (They have always been naturally high-strung and easily overloaded, which leads to regular meltdowns, while Mama and Daddy practice saintly patience and employ time-outs as needed). Mimi is not quite as saintly as the parents, nor nearly as young, so it’s been challenging. I head to my hideout in the basement as needed, with earplugs and solitaire on the iPad to get me through the overly dramatic toddler/preschooler “performances.” If the uproar happens to be exceptionally trying, I head to my friend’s house up the road. She’s a grandma, like me, and her house is nice and quiet (except when the two dogs see a squirrel, or another dog walking by). I have stayed in her spare room during past visits, when there were several of us visiting, and there wasn’t room for all of us in my daughter’s house. What a gift to have found a new friend and generous host! (My daughter found her by posting on the NextDoor site, to see if anyone nearby had a room to rent out. Our new friend replied and said I was welcome to stay with her for free, and we hit-it-off instantly. Isn’t that lovely?! Life offers the sweetest little gifts and surprises sometimes.)

With my store of survival skills and hide-outs always at the ready, combined with that sweetened relationship with my youngest grandchild, I am surviving quite nicely, even with the additional disturbance of some unexpected house repairs thrown in for good measure. This week there’s a crew at the house doing some painting and other work in several of the main rooms, so the occupants are scattered on the warm spring winds. Daddy’s at work, while Mama and children are with the in-laws. I’m back at my friend’s house, occupying her couch in a brazen, make-yourself-at-home style. Luckily, we are kindred spirits, so she appreciates me as much as I appreciate her!

So, all things considered, I am fairing much better on this sojourn than I had expected, but then again…, I miss my cats terribly, and I still have THREE WEEKS to go!

Let’s Go “Home” Again

The word “home” used to imply so much more than it does today. Oh, sure, even now, it’s thought of as a safe shelter, a place where we gather for evening meals or holiday celebrations. Dig a little deeper, however, and …

The Chaos of Chemotherapy

Looking back once again, to 2008, and the most difficult days of my cancer treatments. Luckily for me, I have a reliable reference for my review. Ever since I was a young mother, my daily activities (as well as those …

I’m post-menopausal and…ummm….I just forgot what I was gonna say

Entering into menopause is kind of like falling into a dark cave without a flashlight. There’s no way out, except blindly crawling along, towards a very faint light at the other end, and all along, encountering bothersome beasts. Oh, sure, lots of people have gone in before you and have lived to tell about it. Hundreds of these survivors have written myriads of articles and books about the process. But, still, it is a scary place, because you just never know which of the perils will confront you on your own journey through the cave, and which ones will linger on after you come back into the light. Think of menopause as climbing a very tall mountain. (Yeah, I know, I said a dark cave before, but just shut-up and play along. I’m post-menopausal, and I’m moody.) So anyway, you climb this menopausal mountain, slowly and painstakingly. It’s a difficult and challenging journey, but you’re strong and determined, and you make it to the peak. You’ve gone slowly enough that you’re now able to breathe in the higher altitude, so things aren’t really all that bad at the top. You sit down to catch your breath, put bandaids on all of your blisters and orthopedic braces on all of your aching joints, and then you enjoy the view. Once you’re recovered, you begin the slow (but easier) trek back down. (Puts that whole “over-the-hill” phrase in proper perspective, doesn’t it…?) In my case, because of some bad side effects from my chemotherapy nine years ago, I had to have a medical procedure done to block the blood flow to my uterus. The symptoms of menopause rushed upon me in a flood-level time warp. For me, the entrance into this stage of life was more like being pushed out of a plane with a parachute (but no training), and crash-landing on the above-mentioned mountain, all while being out of shape and not at all accustomed to the higher altitude. I think I just sat there stunned for a couple of years, before I started to regain my senses. How does anyone prepare for that?!

I wish there was a checklist, so we could at least choose the afflictions we want to deal with. Perhaps we could be required to select just eight symptoms from the list – it would look something like this:

Please select your preferred tortures for the duration of your travels through menopause (keeping in mind that these terrors might stick with you for the rest of your life). And don’t forget to read the small print!

 

____ hot flashes (imagine St. Joan of Arc being burned at the stake, and you might get a vague understanding for this particular torment. St. Joan might even be the patron saint of menopause sufferers…if she’s not, she should be. She was an amazing woman, so absolutely no disrespect intended!) This particular beast is bearable with an endless supply of sleeveless shirts, dressing in layers, setting up small, electric fans in every room, and carrying collapsible hand fans packed in all your bags.

_____ over-sensitivity to heat and/or sweating more than usual (a slightly lighter sentence than hot flashes)

____ early morning awakening (say, anywhere between 4:00 and 6:00, with the most likely time being about an hour before your alarm is set to go off, so you’re guaranteed no chance of falling back asleep before that time)

____ insomnia (not being able to fall asleep in the first place, even though you are completely exhausted)

____ night sweats (just to make the insomnia and early morning waking more fun)

____ fatigue (do you really need an explanation for this, after the previous three options?)

____ hair loss or dryness and increased facial wrinkles (because, why do you need to look nice enough to attract the opposite sex at your age?!)

____ weight gain (even if you eat like a bird, and go to bed each night with your stomach rumbling, you’ll soon be buying the next size up in clothing, and the next, and the next, unless you happen to be one of those annoying people with an incredibly healthy metabolism, in which case….PBTHPBH

____ loss of sex drive (and other related problems…’nough said)

____ anxiety (from what my friends tell me, this one is not optional. You’ll have it, even if you don’t check it)

____ moodiness & irritability (ditto, from above)

____ dry skin (not so bad, unless you find yourself constantly scratching. Buy lots of expensive, therapeutic lotions, which will do little to help, but at least you can say you tried)

____ absence of menstruation (PICK THIS ONE!!!!!! It’s the tiny hint of silver lining in this storm cloud passage of life)

____ And, finally…………..(Shoot, what was it? I know there was one more thing….it’ll come to me, tonight when I wake up at 2:00 am. I’ll get back to you on this one.)

So, that’s my big idea. Us middle-aged women will go to see our doctors with our long list of complaints (take legal counsel along for good measure), we’ll be told we’re entering into the inescapable transition of menopause, we’ll ask for the list, and we’ll check off the ones we reckon we’ll be able to live with. And, from there on, we just hope for the best, because that fine print I mentioned earlier….., it leaves us all on very shaky ground. But at least we have each other, and our collective sense of humor, for continued support and survival. Because, if we lose the power of laughter (and/or the power of prayer!), this potentially beautiful season of maturity, wisdom, self-acceptance, and grandchildren ain’t gonna be near as fun! So come on, ladies. Saddle up your horses, and stock-pile the chocolates, wine, and hand fans, we got a trail to blaze, and things to accomplish, in this beautiful, promising autumn of our lives!

What I Did on my Summer Vacation

Yeah, I know, it’s been way too long since my last post, but, hey….I was in New Jersey, visiting with a friend I hadn’t seen in several years, and I couldn’t get the posting steps to work on my iPad, so I ditched you guys for a week. Get over it! And, just to PROVE that I was in the greater NYC area, here are some photos with captions so you can vacation vicariously through my adventure.

While in New Jersey/New York/Connecticut…

…I made myself dizzy looking up at tall buildings, including my short exposure to Times Square (which put me into a sensory overload),

and continued with my view of the “Freedom Tower” (One World Trade Center), built on the grounds of the original World Trade Center Towers that came down in the most horrific terrorist attack ever, on our country’s soil in 2001. That tower, along with the Memorial Pool, made my heart ache all over again. I walked along the edge of the large pool and ran my hands over the names etched into the marble stone, saying a prayer for them and their loved ones who still miss them, and carry the tragedy of that dark day with them always.

 

…I swam in a sound for the first time in my life (at least, that I know of)! It was awesome. For a midwest girl, any hint of ocean water, or the mildest whiff of salt air, are like gifts straight from heaven. I walked out on the jetty, applauded an opera star wanna-be singing in the ocean (made his day, I’m quite certain, with my “Bravo, brravo!”), made several new friends, and sat on the lifeguard stand (possibly breaking a rule there…?). I gathered a few shells and rocks to bring home (because I’ve been a rock/shell collector since I was a wee little lassie, and I can’t stop now!). Plus, I re-learned about what a sound is (geographically speaking), and in particular, about the Long Island Sound and how it was formed. All that while enjoying a beautiful beach with ocean waves and wind rejuvenating my spirit. That was one, perfect day!

 

…I rode on a ferry and cruised around Manhattan, meeting a tall lady in green, and lots and lots of bridges.

 

But, most important, I spent six lovely days with one of the dearest friends of my life. I cannot even put into words how much this trip meant to me. I am feeling extremely grateful for forever friends, restorative vacations, surviving my airport adventures (I don’t mind flying at all, but airports send me into a tizzy), and being able to leave NYC and come home to my nice, manageable little city in Ohio! And, once I’m recovered, I’ll get workin’ on that next blog post – one of my usual, entertaining stories for your reading pleasure…I promise!