Melted by the Midwest Swelter

Have we set a new record yet, of summer days over 90º in the Midwest of the USA?! It’s the only optimistic viewpoint I can latch onto right now…that we set a long-standing record. If that comes to pass, I’ll … Continue reading

Make it “Theme Thimple”

When little kids lose their front teeth, sometime between 5 to 8 years old, they acquire (for a time) the most adorable lisp. Around that same age, they also develop an appreciation for themed learning opportunities and events. (Put those … Continue reading

Overtaken by Offspring (A Serial Theatrical Production)

Overtaken by Offspring
(A theatrical comedy about family get-togethers)

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE:

Lights come up on the family Matriarch as she sits in her recliner, nodding off to sleep. Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. Matriarch awakens in a startled fashion, and makes her way groggily to the door. Opens door to Delivery Boy.

Delivery Boy: Telegram for Mom
Matriarch: (Yawns rudely) That’s me.
Delivery Boy: Sign here, Mom….ummm, I mean Ma’am.
(Matriarch signs)
Delivery Boy: Thank you, have a “good one!”
*{Please note: “Have a good one” is NOT an acceptable way to wish people a good day (if that is, indeed, what you are attempting to convey). “Have a good one” is a useless, grammatically incorrect statement….a good what?! A good lunch? A good commute to work? A good cry? A good laugh? A good report from my doctor…? A good nervous breakdown?! WHAT THE HECK do you mean by “one?”}

Matriarch closes door, fumbles around for reading glasses so she can focus on delivered telegram she holds in her hands, finally finds a pair and gets them correctly positioned on her face, and reads: “Extended family members to arrive next Tues (stop); Driving down from MN with camper (stop); Will camp out with you and rest of family (stop); Will expect all siblings, in-laws, and nephews to be in attendance (stop); Get EVERYTHING ready.”

Tired Matriarch looks at calendar and collapses.
Lights fade for end of Scene One

ACT ONE, SCENE TWO:
Scene opens on Matriarch with pile of papers in front of her, as she writes frantically on one of the papers.

Matriarch (talking to herself, as usual): “Okay….meal list complete; packing list complete; time to work on my shopping list, and then a detailed plan of action for the next four days so that I can be ready to go when the family camping reunion commences. Friday….at work all day; husband & I out with friends in the evening. Saturday…at work all day; to grocery store in the evening; Sunday…to Church in morning; get busy preparing all the meals we will need while on our campout. Monday….work all day; in evening, start packing my personal needs for the campout, also, clean the ENTIRE house and prepare to house numerous lodgers (i.e, twelve people, counting me) in case heavy rains come and we are forced to bail out (literally and figuratively) and head home for dry and comfortable housing. Tuesday…finish any last-minute housing and food details, pack personal belongings and food, rent moving van, head out to our Indiana property for the family camping adventure.

Lights fade as Matriarch climbs into bed and immediately falls asleep, murmuring something about bug spray, bubble wands, and big bottles of wine. The director thinks it best not to disturb her for a curtain call. Check back late next week when this delightful, dramatic comedy presentation continues with ACT ONE, SCENE THREE, when the Matriarch waves good-bye to her older daughters, sons-in-law, and five grandchildren as the visit (finally) comes to an end. 😄

“Ozly” Obsession

I grew up watching the Wizard of Oz movie, once a year on network television. When we saw the previews and knew it was coming up soon, I would write it on the wall calendar, in pen, to make sure I … Continue reading

The Prolonged Pernicious Pollen Fog (a sequel)

It seems we are having a “late spring,” or so says the omniscient “they.” This is why the pollen release of death continues to stalk some of us so menacingly, with its cloudy claws unsheathed and its treacherous teeth bared. … Continue reading

A Pollen Fog as Thick as Pea Soup

This morning I rolled out of bed with a headache and obscured vision. It took me a while to come to my senses. When I finally did, I realized that the skin around my eyes was so puffy, I could … Continue reading

Foiling the Flying Freeloaders with a Funnel

I dare you to try saying that title three times fast….I just made up an excellent tongue-twister! I also recently came up with a plan to keep some stubborn, diligent robins from making a nest right outside our door. Oh, sure, … Continue reading

The Near-Miss Adventures of Motoring with the Mr.

My husband likes to drive, which is nice when we‘re on a long road trip. I usually offer once or twice to take a turn, but he always declines.  It saves me from the stress of navigating through the highway … Continue reading

More Roadway Ramblings with my Roadster, Louie the Shark

I’ve been much too serious lately. I’ll blame it on winter’s enduring stronghold in the Midwest (give it up, winter…we’ve had it up to our eyeballs with your silly shenanigans…but, then again, we haven’t been dealing with Nor’easters!). In an … Continue reading